Everybody: Ebony, you look like you’re living your best life.
Me:
Make no mistake, I am not living my best life. I am choosing to live a better life. Believe it or not, uncertainty in the wilderness is still better than security in Egypt. Sometimes the path to healing feels worse than the initial incident of injury. But still, hurting and healing is better than hurting and hiding. Just because you ignore the wound doesn’t mean the damage isn’t done. I’m ripping off the bandaid, dealing with my pain. But yes, I still have the AUDACITY to smile. Because while this is not my best, it is my better.
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The other day while speaking with my sister, I told her I hope I don’t have to sit in this. Whatever this sinking feeling is. And she responded, you won’t and you don’t have to. And of course, as she was speaking, a biblical story came to mind. This time it was one of my favorite characters in the Bible: King David. Many of you may know this, but some of y'all may be new here. In David’s journey, he fell for Bathsheba, who was married to one of David’s soldiers. Not only did David sleep with her, but he also got her pregnant and had her husband killed (2 Samuel 11). There’s so much to unpack there. David legit just made one terrible decision after another. And oftentimes, when we follow our heart in the moment, it inevitably unlocks the door to many other illogical decisions. Because surely David didn’t have to kill that woman’s husband. He could have pretended like the baby wasn’t his. I don’t know. Something! Let me get back on subject. With every cause, there is a consequence whether good or bad. For David, his consequence for his choices led to him losing his son (2 Samuel 12:15-23). It was a very sad moment in this story. David mourned and fasted up until the baby passed. But after the baby passed, he got up and started eating again. It made no sense to those around him that he had the audacity to smile after what he had just experienced. But David accepted that what he went through was the price he had to pay for the choices he made. But David also accepted that the price was paid.
Now, never have I ever thought to correlate that story of David losing his son to the death and resurrection of Christ until this very moment. I kid you not, I was going in a very different direction until now. There was a price paid for the consequences of David’s choices, and there was a price paid for yours. You may be beating yourself up for some of the “stupid” decisions you’ve made, but you don’t have to sit in it. To sit in your failure is to live in condemnation, and I don’t know about you, but my Bible says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). We all have those “I never should have done that” moments. Hindsight is always 20/20. But I believe when Jesus uttered, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” on the cross (Luke 23:34), I believe he wasn’t just talking about those who crucified him but he was talking about me too. I don’t always know what I’m doing. There are things, if given a second chance, I would do differently. But one thing I know for sure is that I am not going to sit in this. I am going to get up and smile. There was a price paid for my choices. And I smile because the love of God has given me a new day to choose differently. And I choose not to be broken. You should too!
Read more about overcoming condemnation in my book EM*Power
Join us at the next TEA Party in Dallas on October 5th.
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